Sellers are too Pushy! Customers always seem to move more slowly than sellers want. They wander, waste time that sellers don’t have. Sellers are anxious to move things forward! Get the meeting, get the demo, get the order!
Sellers have always been known for being pushy, we as sellers recognize it, we high five each other on our clever techniques to get the customer to commit faster. Customers have always recognized it, that’s why they want nothing to do with sellers. Whether responding to spamming emails/texts/social outreach, avoiding meetings, trying to perfect their seller free buying journey!
We all recognize this dynamic, as sellers, we do everything we can to disguise our impatience.
But the other day, a coaching client and I had a fascinating conversation. We talked about the concept of Pushing—nor Pushy. He made the comment, “Dave you are always pushing!”
I asked, “What do you mean? Does it bother you?”
He laughed, “Sometimes it does bother me, but in a good sense. You continue to push me to think differently, to learn, grow, to challenge myself! You ask me challenging questions. Sometimes your persistence on these issues is annoying.”
“But,” he continued, “I wouldn’t have it any other way! I know why you are pushing. Your focus is solely on me, on helping me to identify my goals, to lean and grow, to achieve more. Your pushing is all about me and what I want to achieve! Keep doing it!
Being pushy is self-centered. It’s about hitting our targets, reaching our goals, regardless of what the other person wants or needs. It’s forcing them down a path that serves us, often without considering their perspective.
Pushing, however, has a very different focus. It’s centered on the other person’s growth and goals. It’s about helping them explore new ideas, question assumptions, and sometimes step outside their comfort zone. Done well, pushing isn’t about pressure; it’s about support, challenge, and discovery.
As coaches, we are, sometimes, pushing those we coach. As sellers, we can, more often than we think, push our customers. But pushing is only acceptable, when a relationship of trust has been established. When each party understands the underlying, genuine motivation for pushing.
A fair critique might be, “Well, Dave, pushing can make the ‘pushee’ very uncomfortable, they may think they are steered in a direction they don’t want to pursue, they may feel manipulated or forced.”
Here, it’s important to understand that pushing is focused on helping another achieve a goal they have identified. It provokes discussions about different ways to achieve that goal. It can never be about a “defined path/solution,” but collaboratively choosing a path to achieve the goal.
Sometimes it can be perceived as controlling, but it is never about that, it’s focused on facilitating discovery. Helping each other gain clarity. setting directions to move forward.
Sometimes, it can be perceived as manipulation, as so many of our pushy conversations are properly perceived. This is why it’s so important to frame the relationship around trust and there is full transparency in the intentions underlying pushing. As Mitch said in our conversation, “Dave, even though sometimes you make me uncomfortable, I appreciate and value the intentions underlying your pushing.”
Not everyone will appreciate pushing, regardless of the intentions. It may not be effective for every personality style.
Being pushy never is appreciated. But in trusted relationships, pushing can create huge impacts for everyone.
I’d be interested in your views and experiences on being pushy versus pushing.
Afterword: Attached is the usual AI discussion of this article. It’s actually very good. But the most frightening thing is they are beginning to understand my humor. I tend to be more proud of creating “groaners,” than laughs. They have a real groaner at the very end of this discussion. Enjoy!
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