Growing up, my father was a terrific coach and mentor. But I suspect I was a difficult student. Every once in a while, I would catch him doing things differently than he had suggested. I’d often say, “Dad, you want me to do these things, but I see you doing exactly the opposite…..” He always laughed in frustration, replying, “Do as I say, not as I do!!!”
These were always more humorous exchanges, but Dad actually took my questions seriously. He would often say, “You are right, I need to practice what I preach.” Sometimes he would explain why he needed to do something differently, helping me better understand how we need to adapt to different situations. But he was a great role model, heavily influencing who I am today.
I tell this story more as an example of what I see too many people doing today, “Do as I say, not as I do!” We expect our people, and others, to pay attention to what we say, failing to recognize the most important thing we can do is to demonstrate the behaviors and practices we expect.
The examples are rampant:
CRM compliance, managers expect people to be actively using it, but never log in themselves. Too often, when I’m sitting with a manager, I ask, “Show my your pipeline report in CRM. They don’t know how to do this–I have to gude them to reports, then select pipeline.
Managers encourage their people to understand the critical performance metrics for their customers and what they mean. Yet, the majority of managers don’t understand these for their own teams. They manage to the numbers, without taking the time to understand what the numbers mean.
Too many mouth the words that coaching and development is critical, yet they de-prioritize these meetings, cancelling them to attend meetings with their bosses or to get more screen time looking at performance reports.
And we know that active listening and collaborative conversations are important to our customers, yet in to many managers fail to engage their people in collaborative conversations—acting in “tell mode.”
Or we mouth the words, “We want you to experiment, take risks, learn to adapt….” But we punish every mistake our people make.
And the list goes on……
And this isn’t just limited to managers. It applies to our engagements with our customers. I have forgotten how many conversations I have had with sellers selling “sales performance management tools.” I look at what they are doing and ask, “How are you using your tools to help understand and improve your own performance?” Inevitably, they lower their eyes, shuffle back and forth reminding me of, “Do as I sell, not as I do….” My question is always, “If the tools aren’t good enough for you to use, then why do you expect your customers to use them?”
These lists can go on endlessly. But at the heart of all of this is people don’t listen to what we say nearly as much as they watch what we do. Our actions and behaviors set the tone, not our words.
Our people constantly watch what we do. They emulate what we do–the good stuff and the bad stuff. Where we take shortcuts, we are teaching them to take shortcuts. When they see us not paying attention, then they demonstrate those behaviors with their peers and customers.
It’s so easy for us to drive our people’s behaviors. We just have to model them ourselves, setting the example, establishing the bar for expected performance.
- If we want our people to be prepared; then we have to show up, having prepared.
- If we want our people to be curious, engaging customers in collaborative conversations; then we have to do the same ourselves.
- If we want our people to care, then we have to care.
- If we expect our people to be accountable, then we have to be accountable ourselves–especially when things go wrong.
My father’s words were meant in just. But his actions mattered far more, having a deep impact on who I am today. He understood that leadership is really about modeling behaviors, consistently over time. He knew that I was always watching and learning from his example.
Leadership isn’t telling people what to do. Leadership is about demonstrating what is possible.
Afterword: Here is the AI generated discussion of this article. Notebook LM has really upped it’s performance in developing these discussions. Enjoy!
Leave a Reply