As I participate or observe conversations, I count questions. If it’s between a buyer/seller, I count the number of open ended questions each person asks. It’s a quick checkpoint for the quality of conversation and engagement of each person in the conversation.
I “disqualify” a lot of questions. Closed ended questions have limited utility in conversations–some are necessary, but typically it’s very few. Questions like, “Do you like the features of our products,” are virtually meaningless. Regardless of whether the answer is Yes, No, None of the Above, neither party learns much from these questions.
Likewise, questions with an agenda, are virtually useless. While posed as open ended questions, they are intended to steer the other person in a specific direction. One that may be meaningless to the person to who the question is posed.
In some conversations, the questioning is unbalanced, it seems almost like an interrogation.
In some conversations, the absence of questions, replaced by statements don’t progress the conversation. More often, they are displays of the power dynamics that are being attempted by one or several parties to the conversation. And engagement levels are low, though argument levels may be high.
Conversations with great open ended queries, by everyone involved are so powerful. They are driven by curiosity and learning. They demand higher levels of engagement, while also reinforcing higher levels of trust. And they move to collaborative conversations where all parties are moving forward together. There may be disagreements, but they are resolved, and progress continues.
The absence of these types of questions, on the part of anyone is a red flag, a warning sign. People aren’t involved, they aren’t engaged. It is impossible to make progress regardless of how hard you press or how compelling the case.
Start by counting your questions. Count the one’s that are genuinely open ended and learning focused. Work on increasing your own question count. The magic that happens, is soon others start increasing their question count, and their engagement.
It’s all about the questions, yet somehow we’ve missed this.
Afterword: Here is the AI generated discussion of the post. It’s concise but offers interesting observations. Enjoy!
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