I had a mentor who taught me more in a single gesture than most people manage in a career. We were deep in a conversation about what separates people who succeed from people who don’t, and at some point he started pointing his finger at me to drive home a critical point.
He went on for a while like that, shaking the finger forcefully. Then he stopped, held his hand up and said: “Remember, when you point your finger at someone, telling them what they should be doing, one finger is pointing at them, but three are pointing back at you.”
I have the same habit. Maybe I picked it up from him. When I’m excited and making a point, my finger comes up and aims at whoever I’m talking to. And every time it does, for a nanosecond, my mind goes back to that conversation. One finger out, three pointing back.
Every time I shake a finger at someone, I think, “What do those fingers pointing back to me mean? What is my responsibility in this conversation? What do I need to do to make sure the person I’m talking to understands and is able to take action based on the discussion?”
We have built an entire profession around the finger (I know, some of you are thinking of another finger, clean up your act! That’s not the finger I’m referring to!). Whether or not we’re physically pointing, our approach to performance management focuses on pointing. We point out gaps, prescribe actions, and move on.
We’ve built dashboards and reports that point with pinpoint accuracy. In our reviews, we say things, “You aren’t hitting your numbers, you need to build your pipeline!” We point out the challenges, describe what people need to change, then we move on. We identify the required outcome then walk away from the work of producing it.
Pointing feels rigorous. I communicated the expectation. I showed them the data. I was direct, I was clear, I held them to a standard. Pointing becomes an exclamation point. We want to emphasize something, we want to drive clarity, urgency and accountability. We want to set priorities and establish standards of performance.
The reality, pointing isn’t about accountability. It’s the act of assigning a failure to the other party. It requires nothing more of us, we challenge the other person and walk away, washing our hands of any responsibility for the problem.
Pointing at data is the most misleading version of this. The data looks like we are being objective. “The numbers are saying this….” But the number is only a symptom. Pointing at a symptom and instructing someone to fix it never actually fixes it.
The number is just an indicator. But the number is the result of the actions that produced it. Perhaps the person didn’t understand something, perhaps there was an obstacle they couldn’t overcome, maybe they needed support they didn’t get.
Understanding what created the number, helping our people see and understand this. Coaching them and developing their capabilities to drive the right outcomes is the hard work required to change performance. This is the core responsibility of the manager.
And this is where the three fingers point. They remind us of our role in the issue we are pointing out. Do they really understand the issues? Have we built the capability for them to do what we’re asking? Have we helped remove obstacles that prevent them from performing? Are we doing everything possible to enable the person to succeed?
Mike helping me understand the responsibility that came with the three fingers constantly reminded me that getting what I was pointing out would never succeed unless I was doing the work demanded by the three fingers.
I want to be clear. Some can read this thinking the leader owns the primary responsibility. There is one finger still pointing forward. People are accountable for their own efforts and growth. They have to do their parts, while the manager provides the support, coaching, and development enabling them to do this.
What strikes me is how quiet those three fingers are. The finger we point is loud. Everyone sees it. It’s aimed right at the person and they can’t avoid it. The three pointing back, nobody sees but us. That’s why they’re so easy to ignore.
And this is why the moment they matter most is when it’s hardest to pay attention to them. When a rep is falling short, when we just want to point out the problem and move on, that’s exactly when we need to turn our attention to the three fingers.
When we point at a rep’s performance, we’re usually calling out a gap in the behaviors that drive sales excellence. The three fingers pointing back demand that we look at our own role in those behaviors. We can assign each finger to a different question:
- Finger 1: Curiosity & Caring. Before I judge the performance, have I been curious enough to understand the root cause? Do I care enough to look past the symptom, or am I just looking for someone to blame?
- Finger 2: Enablement. Have I actually coached and developed the capability for them to do what I’m asking? Am I helping them navigate the complexity of the market, or just telling them to “figure it out”?
- Finger 3: Discipline & Accountability. Am I practicing the same rigor I demand? Have I built a disciplined cadence of support and feedback, or am I only showing up when numbers are down? Am I holding myself accountable for their enablement before I hold them accountable for execution?
When we look at it this way, the one finger pointing forward and the three pointing back aren’t in conflict. We need both: clarity for the person we’re addressing, and our commitment to support them.
We cannot demand sales excellence from our people if we avoid the leadership discipline required to support it.
Next time you go to make a point, look at your hand. Let the loud finger hold your team to a high standard. But make sure the three quiet ones have done the hard, disciplined work of matching that standard first.
Afterword: Sometimes, it’s fun to see how AI makes mistakes. I used ChatGPT to produce an image for this post. Here are it’s first two attempts.
Afterword: Another outstanding AI generated discussion. Enjoy!
