Drowning in Acronyms: A Survival Guide

This morning I was reading a series of LinkedIn posts.

A colleague had a fascinating and important post, and he introduced an acronym that would help us remember it.  Then I saw others about MEDDICC, MEDDPICC, SPICED and even one on BANT.  Then I started scrolling through MQLs, SQLs, and ICPs.  And then there are FOMO, FOMU, FOFU.  And we have ABM, ABS, ABE…..

SaaS introduced a whole new variety of acronyms.  Rather than using terms that fit other markets, it introduced a new language and the associated acronyms:  ARR, LTV, CAC, NRR and on and on.  Where other industries have understood concepts like orders, revenue and backlog, they created a new set of acronyms, perhaps to declare SaaS is different.

Then, I thought, “What does this mean in a global marketplace?”  The acronyms make sense to those of us speaking english.  But what happens to the acronym in another language?  Is it helpful?

For example translating BANT into Spanish, it becomes PANT.   In German, MEDDPICC becomes KWEEPSFW.  Something that really rolls off your tongue and stimulates understanding of the underlying principles???

We are living through an Acronympocalypse!

If you have any role in marketing, sales, customer service, you can’t get through a Monday morning without needing a secret decoder ring. I started studying the acronyms we rely on.

Decades ago, we started with BANT (Budget, Authority, Need, Timing). Simple. Elegant. A classic.  But it failed miserably, we had to change our approaches.  BANT didn’t capture the nuance, what was really happening, what needed to happen.

We went back to the drawing boards.  Creating very valuable new approaches, new methodologies, and more nuance.   They helped us to connect more effectively with our customers.

Then rather than focusing on the underlying principles, we decided to create a mnemonic to help us remember.  This created the rise of the acronyms.

• First, we were told to take a SPIN.
• Then we were told to get SPICED.
• Then marketing kicked down the door screaming about MQLs, SQLs, and PQLs.
• Suddenly, we were arguing about our ICP while stuck in the TOFU, MOFU, and BOFU. (Is that a demand-gen strategy or a vegan lunch order?)
• We tried to act like a CHAMP, but ended up feeling FAINT.
• And just when we thought we were safe, the MEDDIC arrived.
• But apparently, six letters weren’t enough. We added a P (Paperwork). Then another P (Process). Then an extra C (Competition). Now it’s MEDDPICC, and I’m pretty sure next quarter they’re adding a silent ‘Q’ for “Quiet Desperation.”

The Irony

The irony is that these frameworks are designed to make revenue simpler. Instead, we spend more mental energy memorizing the letters than we do listening to the human being on the other end of the Zoom call.

Manager: “Did you confirm the Economic Buyer?” Rep: “I don’t know, I was too busy trying to remember if the ‘S’ stood for ‘Solution,’ ‘Strategy,’ or ‘Sandwich’.”

The Ultimate Solution:

I’ve decided to cut through all of this confusion.  I challenged my AI partners to help me think of a single acronym that encompasses all things critical to our marketing, selling, and customer experience efforts.  We will now have a common reference point for everything we do. 

We no longer have to remember each acronym thinking, “Does CHAMP support our MQL strategy and drive ABM?”  I have developed a single acronym that covers everything.

S.U.P.E.R.C.A.L.I.F.R.A.G.I.L.I.S.T.I.C.E.X.P.I.A.L.I.D.O.C.I.O.U.S.

To save us all time, I have consolidated all sales and marketing methodologies into one easy-to-forget framework. This covers every possible angle of the deal.

If you aren’t checking all 34 of these boxes on your discovery call, do you even work here?

• S – Synergy
• U – Upsell
• P – Pipeline
• E – Engagement
• R – Retention
• C – Conversion
• A – Attribution
• L – Lead-scoring
• I – Intent
• F – Funnel
• R – ROI
• A – Account-Based
• G – Growth
• I – Iteration
• L – Lifetime-Value
• I – Ideation
• S – Stakeholder
• T – Touchpoint
• I – Insight
• C – Churn-prevention
• E – Enablement
• X – X-functional (Experience)
• P – Prospecting
• I – Influence
• A – Actionable
• L – Leverage
• I – Impact
• D – Deliverables
• O – Optimization
• C – Closing
• I – Incentive
• O – Omnichannel
• U – Utilization
• S – Scalability

And for those of you who remember Mary Poppins, there’s a line in one of the songs that reinforces this mnemonic:

“Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious, if you say it loud enough, your Q4 will be ferocious.”

Afterword:  I hope you understand how deeply my tongue is planted in my cheek!  Happy Monday morning!

Afterword:  This is a fascinating AI generated discussion of my article, Drowning In Acronyms, A Survival Guide.  I wrote this just as a sarcastic humor article.  But they extracted interesting meaning out of what I wrote.  It’s fascinating how they took a humor piece, interpreting, it in a way that delves into how we think and work.  It goes past the the humor I attempted to create.  There are some small errors, but a great conversation.  Enjoy!